The Aftermath: When a person tweaks for too long or smokes a little too much weed they begin to develop a number of colorful personality traits. Stunted speech patterns reminiscent of a Cheech & Chong sketch, poor short term memory, inability to focus and blunted common sense round out The Aftermath, a smoking crater of wasted youth that makes Kurt Cobain look like Steven Hawking. When they’re not sober, which is always, they enjoy laughing at bad jokes, spending money on exotic screen prints for their windows, not doing their homework and finding like minded people to have slow paced, unappealing sex with. Though they tend to alienate themselves from less drug addled students, they will often end up in off-campus co-ops, where they will live out the rest of their college degree in Art or Philosophy.
I wrote some extra college personalities to compliment the SA list from a few years ago during an AIM conversation, so I’m going to steal a bit of Erin’s thunder and post them with some AWESOME NON-TABLET ARTS I MADE WITH MY TINY MOUSEPAD. WOO.
The Train Wreck: Often in danger and perpetually circling the drain from midnight to 5 AM, The Train Wreck is never far from a crippling combination of poor choices that will leave them slumped in the corner of their higher end apartment until the next big party. With a wine bottle firmly in one hand and Viking war chest of condoms, hangover cures and pregnancy tests within an arms reach of their dirty futon, these poor souls are always chasing another high and another inevitable crash. Their grades are either extremely high or extremely low, mirroring the bipolar lives they lead. Will often go through relationships like Wal-Mart underwear, calling you late at night with pregnancy scares, desperate pleas for noncommittal sex, and, occasionally, to tell you that Top Chef is on.